oblivious me

This happens every time I start a blog. At some point I run out of funny things to say and my posts either degenerate into whiny petulant emo gutter speak or I just start making lists of things I’m going to do that week like a virgin spinster with 7 cats. If I wasn’t such an attention whore, this would bother me, but as it stands I’ll continue to blog because 1) it helps me manage and process my life 2) it shuts Richie and Khai up and 3) I get to talk trash about people that don’t read blogs. That’s right Diana, only a sissy girl would cry at the end of Crisis Core… I mean who cries at the end of a video game? *sniff* I love you Aerith Gainsborough!

I cannot get rid of my guitar instructor. I miss out on two sessions, I tell them it’s not going to work out, that I’ve moved on, but no matter what I say, he finds some way to bring me back in. My heart isn’t even in it anymore, I’m just going through the motions now, pretending to enjoy a commitment I made that is no longer satisfying for me, all the while secretly looking over my shoulder to see if there’s something better I can get my hands on. On one hand it’s annoying because I feel like I’m wasting my time on something that isn’t going anywhere, on the other hand it’s given me deep insight into the mindset of every girl I have ever dated.

On the bright side, I will be able to go to Japan in August, assuming I can put up with the ridicule of the Tantau group until then. Apparently I had 13,000 frequent flyer miles saved up with American Airlines so I might as well use them. EXCEPT WINDMILLS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY. Basically AA uses miles like we use dollars, as a completely arbitrary way to measure a spiraling global currency that gives you less than you put in to get it. You need 65,000 to fly to Japan, meaning you had to have at least traveled halfway around the world and more before you can cross the Pacific for free. While most people would have known this, I had to find it out through Diana, who I go for all my financial consulting whether or not she wants to give it. Still going though, but I’m gonna have to plan out the rest of my summer better, and maybe just run the marathon I haven’t been training for in San Francisco or something.

Shenney tells me there’s an opening at Blizzard for a web programmer. Wouldn’t pay too much, but I get to at least be around things I like and people tell me its a nice place to work, although after Starcraft 2 I can’t imagine how much longer Blizzard will remain Blizzard especially with the Activision acquisition. Also involves less risk/commitment than my other options at this point, my only reservation being they recently moved to the Irvine Spectrum so at lunch I would get to listen to ditsy blonde suburbanites and their valley girl accents talk about banal inconsequential things that fill me with killing rage. Also I’d have to make nice with my contact there, Sarah, who is an absolutely wonderful woman, except I can’t remember anything about her except staring at her thong in high school. Wait, was that some other girl? Actually, that was one of Sarah’s friends. I don’t remember anything about Sarah at all.

I had dinner with my landlord’s family on Sunday. Wendy is the big momma and she speaks 6 languages, too bad one of them isn’t English. I’m actually able to understand what the kids say to her because its a mixture of Chinese and English (Chinglish) which isn’t a very different from my native dialect of Konglish. I mean basically it’s just English words with indistinguishable grunts for verbs, and lots of hand gestures. We talked about neighborhood kids stealing our shoes, spoiled kids, homosexuality, and the children poking holes in each other’s condoms in a competition to see who gets their respective girlfriend pregnant first. All in all, only about half as uncomfortable as the meals I enjoy with my own family. Kevin, the eldest, is trying to set me up with a Korean girl (”omg Korean? we have so much in common!”) or perhaps more accurately 3 different girls. Apparently, he fancies himself a matchmaker but his method involves just throwing girls at you until one of them sticks. In addition, I also appear awkward in his eyes, so he felt an interview and workshop process would be helpful. Thanks a lot jackass, if you weren’t such a nice guy I’d be hitting on your hot girlfriend right now. Actually that’s a lie, if I didn’t love my rent so much, I’d be hitting on your hot girlfriend repeatedly, all night long. Yeah! That’s what she said!

EDIT: They’re actually a very nice group of people and I find them entertaining and I would enjoy continuing my living arrangement for quite some time. I meant no disrespect. God, I love my rent.

What else…

Missing out on the Joshua Tree trip this weekend, just like I’m going to miss out on the whitewater rafting trip next month. I wouldn’t mind as much if I had more outdoorsy friends in the bay area, but since snowboarding season ended I haven’t done anything outside, plus I’m too ghetto cheap to buy a road bike and go riding with Tabish. I dunno, I need to get out of this rut. Been depressed all weekend.

Oh wait, no, I kicked Chieze’s ass in tennis 6-6, point in overtime and kicked Tim’s and Vince’s ass in Smash. Also Wang got homosexually violated by a Vietnamese guy. I feel better now.

I went to Yoga Monday and I have to say the weekday after-work crowd is much more… aesthetically pleasing than the weekend crowd. All the 20-some corporate drones trying desperately to stay thin and flexible makes me realize that maybe… just maybe, life is worth living after all. Not at all like the class Jess takes me to, which consisted primarily of middle aged white women trying desperately to stave off the onset of osterioperosis, making me realize that maybe… just maybe, vision is overrated.

Not quite as sore as my first day but still got a great back and shoulder workout. I’m thinking yoga can be a good compliment to a weight lifting/aerobic regime, and requires absolutely no equipment other than a mat and a towel to wipe up the ocean of sweat I produce. Definitely something I might consider continuing if I can find a great location closer to San Jose… and one that didn’t cost fucking $90 a month.

Ultimately tho, I am not pleased with several aspects of Yoga, specifically the ones where you assume positions that only Hentai characters and pretzels are supposed to be in. Yeah the “Happy Baby” they call it, bullshit, I’ve seen it before, except it was called “Natalie takes it hard” in Teen Sluts 5. All these years I thought I was watching porn when in actuality, it was a deeply spiritual ritual to unlock a woman’s inner chakra that just happened to involve a pizza delivery boy.

I have always wondered why they used baseball as a metaphor for sex when it’s an incredibly dull repetitive sport which exists for no other reason than to give people the chance to drink beer and eat garlic fries. Yoga as a metaphor, on the other hand, makes total sense to me. I have no idea what I’m doing, a woman is telling me what to do, and by the time I’m done I’m covered in sweat and deeply confused.

I’m seriously thinking about developing Man-Yoga, basically the same thing without all the gay stuff and every Chataranga ends with a roundhouse kick to the face. Also afterwards you get beer and bacon as a reward for your efforts.

I’m starting to hate my bike.

It’s 30 years old, made of steel, and is uglier than sin, but up until now we’ve had a begrudging mutual respect of each other. I of it having survived the Carter Administration, it of my Pollyanna like tenacity in trying bold un-researched things. There was a peace.

Then it tried to kill me.

So basically other than the suicide breaks and the gear shifters that were designed before the wheel it’s a pretty sweet ride, but not being used to the breaks being just 2 inches beyond my grasp, I was left flying through the air as I hit a curb I couldn’t avoid because my bike has the turning radius of a bowling ball. I did a neat tuck and roll however, that was cool. Left a 2 inch gash in my tires, definitely going to have to replace them before attempting another ride.

Also I’m not liking how it’s 3 sizes too big for me. Every time I stop, the frame cradles my balls like a large black inmate who’s too timid to outright prison rape me but still thuggish enough to demand we spoon together. Thinking about asking Eddy where he got his, maybe pick one up before Saturday. God knows I miss the credit card debt, what with the Recession coming I’d feel out of place without it.

Went to a British Pub, loved the beer, definitely needed it after the food. I was actually surprised at how many cute blonde girls there were in Fullerton, considering we were on the corner of Harbor and Union, otherwise known for being a desolate wasteland populated by old Mexicans and the goth kids from the community college.

Spent 5 days in Socal, met up with Shenney and Stephan, Edward, and the Irvine gang. Karen and gang are fine, Mallory gained weight, but I like how she’s not an evil monster when she’s high. Jen even looks like a girl now, cute even. Jan and Louisa are spending a week in the Virgin Islands, Khai is in San Diego, and Richert is still dedicating his life to bothering me. Got my ass beat in Smash all week long, of course, for some reason, everyone insisted I play 2v1 or 3v1, always picking on the Korean I swear. It was an enlightening experience, kind of. Family is well. Brother is kicking my ass in everything now, must destroy him before he becomes too strong… and take his eyes and achieve the eternal MS.

Work is a bitch. God I would quit if not for the economy.

Ugh, I’m not going to make it without more energy. Maybe I should take Richard’s advice and get me some “pick me up”

16 miles on a bike…

On the bright side, I did not stop, did not throw up, and did not cry out for mommy, which is pretty good considering I was on a heavy mountain bike, had no water, and had a cigarette breakfast.

WoW’s dead, going to go back to playing my guitar.

Saving up money for France trip for New Years.

Going to New York next month.

Life’s okay.

What I do on a Tuesday night.

Basically thought that drinking with my friends over Skype was a good idea.

After two shot, everyone else got bored of it and started playing Army of Two, then Richert and I made stupid faces to each other until his laptop ran out of batteries.

Then I continued drinking until I ran out of cigarettes.

Fuck this, I’m gonna go find out if it’s surfing weather in Santa Cruz.

Witness the veritable code monkey, a true survivor of its habitat. Having hibernated through the winter on a diet consisting of nothing but $1 menu items and food scavenged from the office fridge, he awakens to a world no longer dominated by depressing clouds and mirthless rain, but rather bright warmth and clean air. Following the mandate of his primordial instincts, he puts away his console games and online addictions to join the world outside and engage in physical activity. He then steels himself for the endless parade of social obligations necessary to participate in the mindless theatre of life, wasting away his youth on frivolous things while preparing for a future he neither understands nor truly desires, but is expected of his demographic group. Briefly our code monkey contemplates the mysteries of the universe, the awe inspiring beauty and endless depth of a world both cruel and wonderful, the cosmic tapestry compared to which all mankind is meaningless. Then he scratches his balls.

Winter’s over. Fuck ya.

A moment of silence if you will for snowboarding, my one love and passion. I hardly knew you.

Oh well, next year.

Been playing a lot of tennis. Much like everything else I try, I am forced to watch as kids 20 years younger than me excel at, merely by existing, the things which turn to dust as I touch them. My only solace is that they and I are kindred spirits learning new things, quite similar in fact, with the exception that life has yet spared them despairing failure and misery. Also I can kick their ass and take their lunch money.

Kind of reached an impasse in drawing. It’s one of those things doing more at home would definitely help, but I’m reaching a limit of what I can physically do in a week without resorting to black magic. Not that I’m overwhelmed by activity mind you, I simply don’t have the fire, drive. Also, I’m not advancing as much as I like… probably going to have to set aside another day to draw, clear my mind. Same thing with guitar, although I feel I’m making surprising progress for a man who doesn’t know music from Sanskrit. Definitely seeing the advantage of not playing WoW (been WoW free for 2 days now! someone pin a medal to my ass, pronto!), but it’s more or less been hard to compensate.

Of course, everything I do is an elaborate attempt at to ignore the true problems I should be dealing with right now, but I figure, exercise and culture are a better substitute than self-loathing and cocaine.

Hmmm… supposed to go to SF with TV, and basically will be spending time with two girls… fun. >_< Eh, keep an open mind, right? Plus if my past experience with TV is any indication the other girl will flake and she'll bring 9 guys along. ¬_¬ Either way, I haven't been out in two weeks, so should be fun.

Heh, speaking of not doing anything, been spending a lot of time at the Tantau place. I like these people, but I'm spending so much time over there I can no longer maintain the illusion I have a life outside these people. Also, I'm not sure when, but at some point, I seem to have acquired a leash held by a diminutive pedantic woman of unquestionable evil, the dark lord. Seriously, I'm delivering food to these people, it’s the summer of 03 all over again! I mean, not that I really mind, but I really really hate proving Audrey right.

Mmm… Watched the 3rd season of Avatar: the Last Airbender. I’m going to save the “I’m totally a man, I just happen to appreciate the aesthetic beauty of the animated form, watch me lift this 300lbs as I enjoy basketball and vodka - hoo-ha” disclaimer for another post, but simply put, this is a good show. They finally got their red pallete down, but the fights weren’t as creative as the other seasons. Definitely got the form and bending down with the ‘dragon dance’ which I thought was wonderfully sublime for a children’s TV show. The parts with ‘good’ Zuko definitely sucked, but when you’re dealing with a cartoon that depicts a world war with the G.I. Joe mentality that every exploding helicopter must show a pilot parachuting out… com’on. It’s a categorical exploration of eastern philosophy, with the corporate branded ‘good’ ‘evil’ dichotomy imposed because children are simpletons that must be taught that everyone is either good or evil, but no one can die. And now that you know I watch Nickleodeon, I must destroy you.

So, I’ve gotten over my initial fear of posting this video, as it’s supposed to be a private intimate conversation between two kindred souls, but I’m an attention whore plus the recipient is a lazy bastard who has yet to check his e-mail. Fuck you, I’m milking this.

There’s supposed to be a photo collage during the ‘credits’ but my friend hates taking pictures, so I had none, also I’m lazy.

I’ve been battling bouts of insomnia recently. It might be stress, but I feel like there’s more to it than that. If it gets to be a problem, I guess I can whip out my HMO card and see if it really is worth all that goddamn money I put into it every paycheck.

Save State!

Whats up? FAG!

Load State!

You’re ugly and smell bad.

Load State!

I hate you.

Load State!

::stabs with knife::

Load State!

I’m secretly in love with you.

Save State!

aw… fuck.